It’s a little wet and cold down there. And you have to walk through a lot of thorny brush. It’s really fucking annoying when some big branch comes at you and grabs your pant leg, drags you down, and you have to wrestle in the mud to pull yourself out. But if you go and you keep going through the trees and bushes, bat away the thorns, you’ll see why I keep going down there.
It’s the pipes. They’re there and they don’t even notice you cause down there you’re no threat to them. You can watch them dancing and freaking out – doing some kind of weird shuffle. I don’t know really what they’re doing cause I’m not a pipe. But when you watch, it’s… I mean it’s transcendent.
I remember the day it all started, don’t you? I mean, you were pretty young, but it’s got to have left a mark, right? It’s all anybody talked about for the next year or so, but then we all kind of moved on. You know, when the world’s as fucked up as it is, it’s hard to remember what crisis we were dealing with two weeks ago. But it’s okay cause they keep repeating anyway.
But yeah, I remember that day really well actually – maybe only because I’ve spent so much time since then thinking about it. I remember feeling the ground vibrating. The house I was in, which was just off Hamburg street, began shaking violently. We thought it was some kind of earthquake, but the scientists were all saying it wasn’t possible there. And it just kept going, you know, for hours and hours. Finally everything just stopped.
What I think happened was, the pipes got fed up. I mean, not all at once. Maybe it was one pipe just had a rough day. Maybe its human didn’t plunge it right or flushed something bad. Or maybe it was unused and got fed up with just hanging out and falling to rust. But anyway, this pipe got fed up and then started talking to the other pipes nearby and they talked to the other pipes and it just spread. I think they had a pipe conversation – no, a big pipe convention! The only way pipes really could, which is to rattle and vibrate together – the vibrations carry each Pope’s voice through the network.. I don’t know, it’s just an idea.
Anyway, they had this meeting or convention or whatever you want to call it and they came to a decision. It can’t have been an easy decision – surely there was dissent in the group or it wouldn’t have taken so long. But they came to a decision, which was just to leave. That’s right, just to pick up and leave and go find someplace else to be pipes or whatever. So that’s what they did…
Oh yeah, it was a mess! Sewage in the streets, water pouring out of the sidewalks, lawns and gardens overturned. I mean, can you blame them though? Pipes have the shittiest jobs, you know? Anyway it took weeks to clean all that shit up and the fucking president would call an emergency because it was just too unbelievable! Can you imagine? We have all this shit all over the place and those fuckers don’t even believe it… typical political bullshit, let me tell you. That’s why I don’t vote…
So off the pipes went leaving us with this fucking mess. It got cleaned up eventually, yeah. That dickbag billionaire who thinks he know how to solve everything sent us a robot or some shit to help install new pipes. Fucking thing went on a rampage and just dug out peoples’ yards like they were ice cream! But that was just a minor hiccup in the grand scheme of things. In the end we just rolled up our sleeves like we always do and got everything back together.
Of course, we had to figure out how to do what we used to do with pipes but without the pipes… that was the hardest part. We rigged up hoses and conveyors and other things. The engineers say it’s heterogeneous – that’s to say, mixed up – enough to make it so we don’t get another general strike like before, but I don’t know… you get enough hoses and conveyors talking to one another – however it is they talk – and things might happen… I think it’s coming, just wait.
Have you even ever seen a pipe? They’re not much to speak of… you see one around town now and then – a scout or something. Right after they left, the military got involved and said they were a new threat. Thought we might get terrorist pipes or something – suicide pipe bombs! Haha can you imagine? But the reality was they just wanted to go off and be left alone. Once the brass realized there was no money in the fight, it all died down and the tanks went back to the Middle East or whatever new target the president could cook up.
But down there is where they all get together. It’s like a pipe party or something. And they dance – Man what a sight! I can’t even tell you, you have to see it for yourself. I wish I could join them sometimes. You know, I get a little fed up now and then. Shoveling this shit all day – it breaks my back. Wouldn’t it be great to go off and dance for a change…..?
Well damn, I guess it’s time to get back to work. Maybe we can go down there this weekend, what do you say? Alright, alright, we’ll call me if you change your mind…